As I watched events unfold last night, I was stuck by a few thoughts:
  • I didn't feel any joy at the death of Osama Bin Laden. Life is too precious, too fleeting for me to feel joy at anothers passing. I did, however, feel some degree of satisfaction. This was, after all, the sonuvvabitch who orchestrated the biggest sucker punch that America ever received. And just like in any movie where the "bad guy" gets it in the end, there is a sort of cathartic release in knowing that "he got his".
  • As I watched the celebrations in Times Square, in Citizens Bank Park, and outside the north gate of the White House, I never got the feeling that people were celebrating the death of a fellow human being, but rather that this was an outpouring of that same catharsis.
  • I also watched some really silly comments go by on Facebook and Twitter. And I don't mean "ha-ha" silly (though there were quite a few of those), but "Do you have any brains in your head at all" silly. Like people wondering if this would bring peace. Uh NO! This will bring people looking for retribution. The "Head" of al-quiada may be dead, but someone else will step up. They may not be as smart, as connected, as savvy, or as wealthy as OBL, but they *will* step up. And who knows, maybe they're smarter?
  • I'd like to take a moment to deliver a shoutout to all the politicians and talking heads who nearly instantly tried to politicize this:
    FUCK YOU!

    FUCK YOU, THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON, THE DOG THAT FOLLOWED YOU, AND THE FLEAS ON THE LOT OF YOU!!!
  • And of course the conspiracy theories have begun. Lord almighty, the tin-foil hat brigade is out in force. I can't bring myself to believe a lot of conspiracy theories; the rampant incompetence and idiocy shown by humans makes me doubt that shit. Or, as [livejournal.com profile] bynkii put it: I wish the Illuminati were real. That kind of competency in charge would give me great hope."
  • There was also, as I said above, lots of silliness last night that make me laugh out loud. Items like:
    • BREAKING: cigar smoking white man/mohawked black man/suave guy/crazy guy seen delivering Osama body to DC in black van
    • FInally a funeral that Westboro Baptists can protest without pissing anybody off.
    • "Ooops. I should've made that Foursquare check-in private. #4squareFAIL" — Osama Bin Laden's last tweet
    • Every Terrorist-"OK, OK, calm down! EVERYONE CALM DOWN! I HAVE AN IDEA. Who here has seen the movie Weekend at Bernies?"
    • If someone is posting on Facebook that BinLaden is dead, I presume the news was broken on Farmville 1st.

  • Finally, one line that really struck a chord with me last night from the president's speech:

    "But tonight, we are once again reminded that America can do whatever we set our mind to. That is the story of our history, whether it’s the pursuit of prosperity for our people, or the struggle for equality for all our citizens; our commitment to stand up for our values abroad, and our sacrifices to make the world a safer place."

    This needs to be tattooed backwards on the forehead of every congresscritter so that they see it everytime they look in a godblessed mirror. Stop saying that the things we need to do are "too hard"! This is America, goddamit, we do 5 impossible things every morning before breakfast!

Ok, I'm done for now. I'm gonna go eat some leftover BBQ ribs.
Courtesy of Skippy (of
Skippy’s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army
fame)

Are you ready, kids?
This first courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] allah_sulu

Dear St. Patrick, thank you for inventing Ireland, home of the red-heads, and putting them all in one convenient island where they can't get away, and intoxicating them so that they are easily seduced. Please take this potato as an offering of my gratitude. Amen.

And then, one of my favorite toasts, as given to me by my good friend [livejournal.com profile] fragbert

Here's to the Scots, who keep the Sabbath and anything else they could lay hands on.

Here's to the Welsh who pray upon their knees and upon their neighbors.

Here's to the Irish, who don't know what they want, but are willing to fight to the death for it.

Here's to the English, who claim to be self made men, thus relieving the Almighty of a terrible responsibility.
From the agency intraweb site:

On this day in 1876, the first successful voice transmission over Alexander Graham Bell's telephone took place in Boston as his assistant heard Bell say, "Mr. Watson, come here. I want you."

My first thought was:

What they don't tell you is that it was done in a sultry, come hither voice...
Got this in my email this morning. I was amused.

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half life of 2- to 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
The following headline from the Boston Globe caught my eye this morning:

Consistent Message Eluding McCain

So, my challenge to you, dear reader: What message is eluding McCain? Serious good, humorous better.

Political flame wars to be deleted.

(Note: While I currently support Obama, I am currently convinced that I don't trust either any of the four P/VP candidates to lead a grade school student council, let alone the US.)
grayhawkfh: (philisophical...)
The Birk Economic Recovery Plan

An outstanding plan!
-----------

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bona fide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
  • Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
  • Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads
  • Put away money for college - it'll be there
  • Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
  • Buy a new car - create jobs
  • Invest in the market - capital drives growth
  • Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves
  • Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.

Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC. And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Kindest personal regards,

Birk

T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen

PS: Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it's either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!
Many of my long time readers will remember Skippy's List.

(And if you don't, go read it! But do not eat or drink while doing so. I will NOT be responsible for cleaning or replacing your monitor)

Well, he went and posted an IT version in his blog! See it here!

Same disclaimer applies!
These gems were found in the [livejournal.com profile] about_food community posted by [livejournal.com profile] southernoracle in this entry. They were then brought to the attention of the [livejournal.com profile] good_eats community by [livejournal.com profile] schlake...

I am sure everyone by now has seen or heard of the Chuck Norris facts.


Thirty Things You Should Know About Alton Brown

#1. Alton Brown grinds his own peppercorns. With his teeth.

#2. Alton Brown's chili cheese fries are healthier than raw carrots. Even after he adds the bacon and lard.

#3. Alton Brown brushes his teeth with wasabi and gargles with pickle brine. But still his breath smells like lemon merengue.

#4. Alton Brown can boil a three-minute egg in thirty-seven seconds.

#5. When Alton Brown was born, he collected the hospital slop they'd left for his mother and made it into an zesty, appetizing goulash. The dish fed the entire maternity ward for a week.

#6. In the first, as-yet-unaired episode of Iron Chef America , Alton Brown single-handedly defeated an all-star team of Bobby Flay, Cat Cora, and Hiroyuki Sakai. The secret ingredient was 'whimsy'.

#7. Alton Brown doesn't reduce sauces. He demoralizes sauces.

#8. Alton Brown prepares his fugu blindfolded, with one chopstick and a plastic spork. Alton Brown ain't afraid of no chump neurotoxin.

#9. Alton Brown's blender has four speeds: 'stir', 'mix', 'frappe', and 'plasmify'.

#10. Alton Brown can split a pineapple in half using only his pinkies. For coconuts, though, he has to use his thumbs.

#11. Alton Brown knows where capers come from. And he grows his own, on a Chia pet in the pantry.

#12. On Rachel Ray's show, she shows people where to eat for less than forty dollars a day. When Alton Brown eats, people pay him.

#13. Alton Brown slices ham so thin, it can only be seen using an electron microscope.

#14. Some knives can slice through a tin can and still cut a tomato. Alton Brown's knives can slice through a Pontiac, and still cut a tin can.

#15. Grown men have been known to weep for joy in the mere presence of Alton Brown's vinagrette. His hollandaise sauce can kill a man from sheer ecstasy at forty paces.

#16. Alton Brown can eat just one Lay's potato chip. If he ever bothered to eat food he didn't make himself, that is.

#17. Alton Brown once got carried away slicing carrots, and julienned his cutting board. Undaunted, he sauteed the splinters in olive oil and spices -- and they were delicious.

#18. Every Burger King Alton Brown has walked into has immediately closed forever -- try as they might, they simply can't 'do it his way'.

#19. Alton Brown can pair a wine with any food -- including hot dogs, ice cream, raw eggs, Alpo, sawdust, and soylent green. It's people!

#20. Alton Brown's cakes don't rise. They ascend.

#21. Some meats are so tender, they seem to melt in your mouth. Alton Brown's meats are so tender, he's had entire turkeys vanish into thin air.

#22. Alton Brown's no saint. But if his chicken Kiev cures one more kid's leprosy, the church will reconsider the evidence.

#23. Alton Brown doesn't whip potatoes. Alton Brown's potatoes whip themselves, if they know what's good for them.

#24. Alton Brown's other car is the Wienermobile.

#25. Alton Brown's show is called 'Good Eats', because 'Multiple Shuddering Mouthgasms' didn't play with the network's target demographic.

#26. Alton Brown's freezer operates at minus-twenty-seven degrees. Kelvin.

#27. Alton Brown once prepared shrimp gumbo for a cooking competition, using only salt, water, canned Spam, and a packet of Arby's 'Horsey Sauce'. He took second place. He would have won, but one of the judges was allergic to shellfish.

#28. Alton Brown can fit three hundred and forty-two cookies on a standard-sized baking sheet. Without any touching.

#29. When Alton Brown slices onions, the onions cry.

#30. Alton Brown was once asked to participate in a blind orange juice taste test. He was the only person able to successfully identify the brand, style, vintage, temperature, pH level, distance to the orchard, age of the grove trees, and the names of the workers picking the fruit. Including the one who needs to start washing after bathroom breaks.
Swiped from [livejournal.com profile] punkwalrus who swiped it from [livejournal.com profile] mighty_rontor, I present to you a modified clip from "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown," where Sally Brown rants to Linus about having to wait in the pumpkin patch all night.

Modified how? With strategic "bleeps". Makes for teh funneh.

http://www.cbsradiobaltimore.com/mix_morning_show/?p=276
You need to check out this entry in [livejournal.com profile] techsupport

It is full of teh win!
grayhawkfh: (Groucho)
For today is the anniversary of the day on which so many laughs entered the world. It was on this day in 1890 that Groucho (Julius) Marx was born!

In that spirit...

(Spaulding/Groucho)
Hello, I must be going,
I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going.
I'm glad I came, but just the same I must be going.
La La.

(Mrs. Rittenhouse/Margaret Dumont)
For my sake you must stay.
If you should go away,
You'd spoil this party I am throwing.

(Spaulding/Groucho)
I'll stay a week or two,
I'll stay the summer through,
But I am telling you,
I must be going.

(All)
Before you go,
Will you oblige us,
And tell us of your deeds so glowing?

(Spaulding/Groucho)
I'll do anything you say,
In fact I'll even stay!

(All)
Good!

(Spaulding/Groucho)
But I must be going.


and...

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

--Groucho Marx
grayhawkfh: (Groucho)
I received this email today from a friend of [livejournal.com profile] mousecat0.

(Well, [livejournal.com profile] mousecat0 got it and forwarded it, but what the hell)

I don't know how much is true, or if the auction will be up much longer. So here is the link and the story:

LOT OF POKEMON CARDS THAT MY KIDS TRIED TO SNEAK BY ME - (eBay item 130144061675 end time Aug-22-07 12:03:50 PDT)

I'm selling a bunch of Pokemon cards. Why? Because my kids sneaked them into my shopping cart while at the grocery store and I ended up buying them because I didn't notice they were there until we got home. How could I have possibly not noticed they were in my cart, you ask? Let me explain.
rest of laughter inducing story behind this cut )
Found this little gem by way of Tech Support Comedy:

950 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG.

Yeah, this may have come of the OOTS forums or RPGnet forums. But I only made it to ~200 or so and tears were streaming down my face. I'll finish looking this over tonight - I can't deal with that much humor at work...

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Frank N. Huminski

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